Evening thoughts — April 4, 2017

Evening thoughts

We all know life doesn’t always work out as we want it to…

I am now at point of uselessness. This is how I feel and I want to feel this way until my soul decides to repair itself.

I am tired of being told that “hang in there”. What is it exactly that I am hanging in/onto? Hanging onto the leap of faith? Is that it?

Maybe I need to feel this way in order to realize that I need to try life differently. Maybe this is the Universe’s way of telling me that in whatever I do from now on, should never allow for frustration.

It’s always nice for people to say “it will be okay”, “it always works out”… I mean yeah sure, but when? It takes so much strength to be that patient.

I am tired of hearing “do not feel sorry for yourself”! Why must I not? If it feels fitting at that point, why not?

We keep telling people that eventually all will be well, what happens when you cannot practice we preach… Who do we cry to?

People ask how does one remain strong, it’s cause momma always told me that when life gets tough, go cry behind close doors and do not let the world know your world is coming down on you..

I do not know know what is happening anymore, I do not know what is supposed to happen next. I am lost in my thoughts. There are so many storylines that could come from this…

My anxiety is not allowing me to think straight, maybe my mind is clouded for a reason.

Maybe, just maybe I need to stop overthinking life, you know, like someone adviced me to.

Maybe thinking too much and over-analyzing situations is the reason why my breathing is currently altered with a somewhat blurred vision.

I am so confused… continuation of this piece is draining me further. Let me actually just try to focus.

So I was saying, this life thing, this… thi… th.. t..

*passes out*

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Know your worth — June 28, 2016

Know your worth

I recently just resigned from my job, a job that I hadn’t had for long, disregarding the days of training, I was there for 3 days. When I got the job, I was so excited, not only was this a permanent position, but because the potential of growth in that company was absolutely amazing. Anyway, I did as my boss and trainers told me to do and I really loved it, and plus I got the chance to meet a whole lot of people on a daily basis and just have a conversation with them. It was all so amazing. We were told to report for duty at 06:30am! 06:30am in this winter😢, but I was there on time everyday because I knew what I wanted out of the business and that’s what kept me going. I missed my bestfriend’s birthday celebration because I had work to do and all I wanted was to push so hard so I can get to where I wanted to be.

So anyway, when you’re a new guy there, you have leaders(trainers) that are supposed to guide you and help you reach your goals. So my trainer was leading a roadtrip to Germiston where we were visiting a company that is much like ours.

This was the beginning of trouble. So we left on a Sunday for Germiston, this was what we call a business trip. The whole week prior to the trip, I kept asking my trainer if all is in order and if everything has been sorted accordingly, she told me not to worry, all is well. Then sunday came, we were supposed to leave at 9am that morning, but my trainer lied to me about the arrangements meanwhile, she was busy doing her hair, and we only left for Germiston at 7pm, bear in mind, we have no idea where we are going, also, we had to transport ourselves to the area. Anyway, being excited as I was to be a part of the roadtrip, I did not care about spending my own money because I was ready for the beginning of my journey. So we eventually find the place we are meant to sleep at. When we get there, there was no electricity!! Imagine  how frustrated I was because we did not know anyone there. They guy who was supposed to “take care” of us during our stay came and told us that the reason why there is no electricity is because our boss did not make the necessary arrangements and that he(our boss) will load the electricity the following day. This was really shocking for me.We look around the place and I can surely say that was the filthiest place I have ever seen in my life and also there were no proper beds, just sponges(if thats what they’re called) on the cold ceramic tiles. So we disregard this irresponsibility of our boss, we sleep. We then woke up at 4am, it was time to bath. Our supposed caretaker had shown us a place where we would bath the night before. So we (a female colleague of mine & I) went there to bath, only to find that that room is occupied by a couple males. I felt so uncomfortable knowing that there are males we don’t know walking around in that apartment and we are naked in the bathroom (it couldn’t lock). At this point, I was already annoyed. We had to jog to work because it is not safe in that area. When we got there, we did our office routine then left for our assigned stores at the designated areas. We still had to fund for ouselves then. I was extra annoyed. My flu was full-blown at that point and I told my trainer that I was not feeling well and that my day may not be as productive as I had planned, nonetheless, I still had the whole week to reach the objectives. As a trainer i expected her to understand, but all she could do was to be selfish. She gave me attitude and implied that I was being so lazy and that I’m not even trying. All she cared about was making enough sales so she can be promoted. She was really on my nerve, even though I had reached the store’s objective, she did not care about the fact that I tried and was willing to pull in sales. She took me down when I needed her the most. The whole way back she was boasting about the number of sales she made and how she is the best at what she does, also busy talking about how bad I did that day. Look, I was good at this job, sorry to toot my own horn but if I don’t believe in myself then who will?! My first two days there I set pace, which was really good. The third day I was ill and my trainer threw me under. Anyway, we get back to the apartment, guess what?! Our beloved boss still hadn’t bought the electricity and that would mean to go bath at the same place again the following morning. Now I was really fed up. I packed my stuff and came back. I refuse to work for someone who does not care about his employees but only the number of sales they make. Did I mention that he only gave my trainer money for transport and left the rest of the team to make ends meet?! How the hell is that normal?

I quit my job because i’m worth way much more than the treatment I received. I refuse to be a slave to money. I refuse to compromise my values all in the name of making sales. I refuse to work for someone who is that irresponsible. I refuse to be treated like trash just so I can have an income month end. I refuse to deal with ridiculously unfavouring conditions just so I can be promoted. I refuse to jeopardise my well-being just for a pay cheque.

I LEFT BECAUSE I KNOW MY WORTH.

 

 

Borrowed Time — June 10, 2016

Borrowed Time

Do you ever just think of the time that you have on this Earth? Weirdly, I have been thinking about it recently, quite a lot that it is. So many things are happening all at once. We all have different realities which differ so much, at the end of the day, we can all agree that we will not be on this Earth forever. Someone is busy making future plans right now, someone is planning their wedding, somebody just died. This is sad because we don’t know how long we have until we are no more. I know such issues are deemed to be so sensitive, my apologies for appealing to whatever emotion of discomfort that my opening lines may have brought, it really is not my intention.

My aim is to try and motivate you. Think about all the memories you have created so far, what have they done for you? Are they worthy of a Tv show? If not, then I personally believe that you need to live more. I’m not saying your whole life should be as amazing, but there has to be moments that deserve to be on camera, whether it is the business meetings you attend, or it is the way you deal with stress or whatever cool thing that you have done. Your life is your life. No life can be like the other. Your life should not be a sad story that seeks pity all the time. The life that you live can be turned around anytime, don’t you ever believe that you are not good enough to achieve because you certainly are. We are all good at something, wake up and let it put bread on your table, maybe even a Bentley in your Estate. Don’t ever let anyone bring  you down because your mind is bigger that any kind of negativity. If you can convince yourself that you are so great, then you can be great.

Take a moment out for self-introspection, have a moment of reflection and ask yourself, “what have I done today, what have I achieved and who am I?”. Helen Keller is one of the greatest people to ever walk this earth, she was blind and that did not stop her from achieving amazing things. If you were able to read this, what’s your excuse to not be great? Your life becomes what you believe it is. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it. We all encounter failure at some point of our lives, but cry about it today,then fix it in the morning.

Make the best of your life… OUR TIME IS BORROWED.

Look a little deeper. — April 11, 2016

Look a little deeper.

It’s funny how this life thing works. I used to believe that the way I am is enough for survival throughout my life. Little did I notice that I have changed so much throughout in order to adapt to my environment. I have been reflecting on it, and I must say, change is great.

It is quite sad that there are still people out there who fear change, not because they are lazy (even though this is one of the reasons) but because they fear the unknown. So they rather be stuck in the same place because of this fear and find comfort in stagnancy. They feel as though they know enough to survive. This sadly is not the case. Do not ever feel like what you know now is good enough to keep you well forever.

An example is the first person who had the idea of a cellphone. The idea of a device that makes and receives calls was great back then, now, no cellphone like that would survive the market. The future comes with innovation because of technology, someone somewhere is always trying to improve what we know.

Keep going and keep learning to adapt to change. Change does not only mean change of environment, I am talking change of being, change of mindset and change of habit. If your ways do not guarantee you a good future, then what is the point of your life? What are you living for? I believe in trying and never to accept defeat without a plan B. Don’t live your life the same way every year and be proud of it. Yes there are factors that will influence your thoughts, but the the main aim is living better than yesterday. Do not be the person that falsely accuses people of practising black magic because they have a vision when you are just lazy.

GET YOUR LIFE RIGHT OR IT WILL GO LEFT.

views. — March 19, 2016

views.

Some time back in my life I did not care about politics, to be specific, a couple of days ago I did not care if Jacob Zuma reinstated members of his parliament, I did not care about whether Jacob Zuma pays back the money, I did not care if the EFF turned the sacred parliament that should be treated with so much respect into a circus. It hit me recently that I don’t care about my future if I do not know how people of Marikana were killed, or if I miss the State of the Nation Address. I am 21 years old and I have never voted in my life. I have never voted because I thought I dont care. Sadly I came to realise that a no vote from me is not helping this nation, that me not voting means I am content with our President’s Nkandla and his private jet that amounts to billions while there are girls who can’t get an education because of menstruation.

I look at our government in disgust. I am proud to say that I am now looking at this world with a different eye. However I am sad that South Africa is blinded by what the ANC USED to be.

We are told to vote, not for a better future but “for Mandela” 😒, WHY?!

They say our president is a puppet controlled by the Guptas, is this what is meant by “money talks”. What ever happened to morality?

There is so much to talk about when it comes to Our Government, but we are scared to voice it because we fear change. As it is, I have no idea who to vote for because I do not know if the DA or EFF will be any better, I mean it’s not like these parties don’t have their own skeletons…

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THIS WORLD FOR AN ORDINARY GIRL — September 14, 2015

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THIS WORLD FOR AN ORDINARY GIRL

If there is anything I am passionate about more than anything, is the well-being of females. I wish all girls could be well in all aspects of life. Learn to dream beyond what the world feeds you. Dream bigger and pull the trigger that will light up your green light. I am tired of seeing females being limited because they possess a vagina and not a penis. I feel that God made us different from males for a reason. There is absolutely no reason for us to feel inferior in a world that YOU were made for. Take a look at yourself in the mirror, smile, smile because you are looking at a body, mind and soul full of great potential, and claim your worth because you are worth dying for. The next person might not believe this, but Jesus Christ died for your being. Live up to you greatest potential and make things happen. Don’t pull down because you failed the first time, mistakes are just a learning phase. Anything can happen for you if you believe in yourself. Find what you love and who you want to be and make it happen. Who are you waiting for to come and make it happen for you? The only person you can rely on fully is the girl in the mirror. LET’S BE GREAT.

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Crazy? — August 20, 2015

Crazy?

Have you ever just wondered why life happens the way it does? Like why certain things turn out the way they do. Wouldn’t you just want to sit down and just see everything else unfold? We are told that God has our lives planned out, like right now, God/or whichever supreme being you believe in already knows the conclusion of this post and I the author don’t. It’s so crazy how one can work hard on something and God is probably just chilling and thinking “why bother, you won’t succeed either way”… Or you become so lazy and think to yourself , you know what, if it is meant to happen, then it will, and again, He is probably thinking to himself, “my child, I was willing to meet you halfway and pull you through, but knowing that you’re lazy, you won’t even try”. I just wish we all had a custom guide, that listen, when you’re 18, you are going to meet this guy in your class, he’s a douche so stay away. But then again, life would be so boring if that was the case.

I find it real crazy that although we pull ourselves everyday to succeed and that time God already knows what is going to happen. We all want to be rich and successful, but like we’re told in highschool, not all of us going to make it.

Anyway, I don’t know the point of this post, but I just felt like typing and engaging in the potential of engagement.